all this time lingers undefined

Despite the fact that I'm not happy with the pictures I've been taking, I've somehow managed to be in the newspaper a lot. Today, I had a picture on the front page. Seriously.

I'm the type of person who tends to worry about things and over analyze situations to death. I worry about whether or not we'll all still be friends by the time Austin City Limits rolls around and we have to drive 16 hours to see what might be the best and greatest concerts of our young lives.

I worry about when you turn 21, and if we'll ever spend time together like we do now. The age discrepancy will be painfully obvious when you're 21 and all your friends are 21 and I'm still 19 and will always be a year and a half younger than you. Will you still come over for a beer and a movie on a Friday night? And on your birthday, I won't be able to share any moments with you because you'll be with her, in Louisville. It's this thought alone that brings me down and makes my stomach clench out of nervousness.

This is a horrible comparison, but it's like Joey and Dawson. They weren't meant to be, but despite Dawson's lust for the beautiful, mysterious next door neighbor, Jen, Joey still pinned for Dawson. But all Dawson ever saw Joey as was a friend, the girl he's always known as his friend.

Of course, in the end Dawson ends up wanting Joey, but we all know Joey and Pacey were MEANT TO BE. So I guess what I'm saying is that I know it's futile, and that these intense feelings will go away eventually...but being the friend who is tossed aside and ignored for the beautiful girl sucks. It's selfish to want to keep you for myself. But that doesn't take away that dread of your 21st birthday.

Seriously though, that's the thought that's been eating away at me. I'm so dramatic sometimes, it makes me want to gag.

My mother spent the entire day at the hospital with my dying great-grandfather, which she didn't even have to do because he's on my dad's side and we hardly know him. My mom is amazing. And I felt horrible when she was telling me about this and I was shopping for clothes at J. Crew.

I'm listening to the Weakerthans right now. A lot of the songs on here remind me of you.