-Bronwen Wallace
You’ll take a map, of course, and keep it
open in front of you on the dashboard,
though it won’t help. Oh, it’ll give mileages,
boundary lines, names, that sort of thing,
but there are places yet
where names are powerless
and what you are entering
is like the silence words get lost in
after they’ve been spoken.
It’s the same with the highways.
The terse, comforting numbers
And the signs that anyone can read.
They won’t be any good to you now.
And it’s not that kind of confidence
you’re after anyway.
It makes you think of the people you love,
How their faces look when they don’t know you’re
watching them,
so that what you see there
forces you to recognize
how useless your love is, how little
all your hopes, your good intentions
can ever do for them.
You, who have lived your whole life believing
if you made enough plans
you wouldn’t need to be afraid,
driving through a countryside
only the road seems to care about,
to rediscover every time it enters
with that kind of love that’s partly tenderness
and partly a sort of confidence
you can’t put words around.
Like the look
the people at home will give you
when you get there: nonchalant and almost too deep
for you to see, as they turn back
to whatever held them
before you came.
I almost ran over my friend while we were both biking today. I was so caught up in trying to get somewhere, that I didn't really acknowledge him. He said it was the most bizarre and weird moment he's experienced in awhile. I think I almost hurt his feelings by not saying hello.
I was too busy balancing on a bike that was too big and missing a pedal.
My face gets this weird vacant and anxious look when I'm overly stressed or tired. I never noticed it until he pointed it out to me.
I'm taking pictures again. Maybe I'll finally get out of this rut and back into the swing of things. Maybe.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
"You may all go to Hell, and I will go to Texas"
Let's just get this out of the way: I am a horrible photographer. Scratch that, I'm a horrible photojournalist. Alright, time to get this thing going.
Austin was amazing. The four days I spent with my two of my favorite and great and closest friends are quite possibly the best four days I've had this year. They may not know how much I love them, but these two kids made my summer as memorable as it was and I'm glad we were able to experience Austin City Limits together. This will be something I'll tell my kids about.
We were crazy, driving down to Texas. And by crazy, I mean, we were crazy in even thinking about driving. It's an exhausting drive, but looking back, was worth it.
Succinctly, we saw as much of Austin as we could in two and a half days. Ross, Chris and I got into Austin around 10:30 on Friday and after dropping our bags off at my cousin's apartment, we hit up the Drag. The Drag (Guadalupe) is similar to Limestone in that it's the road that divides campus from city. Except, being that it isi n Austin, the Drag is significantly cooler than Limestone. We had a delicious dinner and spent the next hour walking around and exploring campus.
Ross said it was a sobering experience, to walk around such an amazing and neat campus. He said something along the lines of it being sad, knowing that those opportunities to attend a cool college, and more broadly, the college experience, is gone.
Saturday was spent checking out downtown Austin with my cousin and the boys. We walked to the capitol (which is bigger than the capitol in D.C.! Go Texas!) and took pictures. Had lunch and played pool in a bar, cooled down for a bit with a nap, shopped at Waterloo Records and went to dinner with some of my family friends. After dinner we walked to an ice cream shop and really just soaked up the Austin evening. Later that night everyone cleaned up to check out the infamous 6th St. bars.
Fingers were crossed that I would get in and luckily I did. Overall that evening was great, and thought a good friend, we heard about an ACL After Show and saw St. Vincent perform at a bar a little ways from the bar we were at.
Sunday was the festival. We saw:
-Yo La Tengo
-The Broken West
-Midlake
-Regina Spektor
-My Morning Jacket (w/Andrew Bird)
-Bob Dylan & His Band
We saw bits and pieces of:
-Bloc Party
-The Decemberists
-Ghostland Observatory
-The Jelly Dots...
There was tons of food and arts and crafts and local vendors. And I'm not going to lie, there were moments were I was completely miserable. We all were feeling the heat, but the festival was set up so that if you need to cool off, you could. Plenty of misting stations and an air-conditioned AT&T thing that people could walk into.
I love Texas and can't believe this weekend went by so fast. The drive back home wasn't too bad, and everyone took turns driving. I'm pretty sure I got stuck with one of the most boring sections of the drive: Dallas, TX to outside Little Rock, AR. Blegh. When I drove over the state line, I was honest to god, incredibly sad. Both the boys were asleep and I had Sufjan Stevens on (didn't want to wake them, they deserved a hearty nap) and everything about that moment was so...overwhelming.
When Ross dropped me off at my apartment that night and we exchanged our casual "see ya later!"'s, I felt dizzy. Like, this whirlwind of a trip just occurred, and I as thrown out right in the middle of it.
What a great road trip.
In other news, this is why I believe that music, live music at that, is the most moving and beautiful art forms of all:
(by the way, that's a Davy Crockett quote. Ross quizzed me on the way down to Texas and surprisingly I remembered all my Texas facts. Shoot me a question and I probably know the answer!)
Austin was amazing. The four days I spent with my two of my favorite and great and closest friends are quite possibly the best four days I've had this year. They may not know how much I love them, but these two kids made my summer as memorable as it was and I'm glad we were able to experience Austin City Limits together. This will be something I'll tell my kids about.
We were crazy, driving down to Texas. And by crazy, I mean, we were crazy in even thinking about driving. It's an exhausting drive, but looking back, was worth it.
Succinctly, we saw as much of Austin as we could in two and a half days. Ross, Chris and I got into Austin around 10:30 on Friday and after dropping our bags off at my cousin's apartment, we hit up the Drag. The Drag (Guadalupe) is similar to Limestone in that it's the road that divides campus from city. Except, being that it isi n Austin, the Drag is significantly cooler than Limestone. We had a delicious dinner and spent the next hour walking around and exploring campus.
Ross said it was a sobering experience, to walk around such an amazing and neat campus. He said something along the lines of it being sad, knowing that those opportunities to attend a cool college, and more broadly, the college experience, is gone.
Saturday was spent checking out downtown Austin with my cousin and the boys. We walked to the capitol (which is bigger than the capitol in D.C.! Go Texas!) and took pictures. Had lunch and played pool in a bar, cooled down for a bit with a nap, shopped at Waterloo Records and went to dinner with some of my family friends. After dinner we walked to an ice cream shop and really just soaked up the Austin evening. Later that night everyone cleaned up to check out the infamous 6th St. bars.
Fingers were crossed that I would get in and luckily I did. Overall that evening was great, and thought a good friend, we heard about an ACL After Show and saw St. Vincent perform at a bar a little ways from the bar we were at.
Sunday was the festival. We saw:
-Yo La Tengo
-The Broken West
-Midlake
-Regina Spektor
-My Morning Jacket (w/Andrew Bird)
-Bob Dylan & His Band
We saw bits and pieces of:
-Bloc Party
-The Decemberists
-Ghostland Observatory
-The Jelly Dots...
There was tons of food and arts and crafts and local vendors. And I'm not going to lie, there were moments were I was completely miserable. We all were feeling the heat, but the festival was set up so that if you need to cool off, you could. Plenty of misting stations and an air-conditioned AT&T thing that people could walk into.
I love Texas and can't believe this weekend went by so fast. The drive back home wasn't too bad, and everyone took turns driving. I'm pretty sure I got stuck with one of the most boring sections of the drive: Dallas, TX to outside Little Rock, AR. Blegh. When I drove over the state line, I was honest to god, incredibly sad. Both the boys were asleep and I had Sufjan Stevens on (didn't want to wake them, they deserved a hearty nap) and everything about that moment was so...overwhelming.
When Ross dropped me off at my apartment that night and we exchanged our casual "see ya later!"'s, I felt dizzy. Like, this whirlwind of a trip just occurred, and I as thrown out right in the middle of it.
What a great road trip.
In other news, this is why I believe that music, live music at that, is the most moving and beautiful art forms of all:
(by the way, that's a Davy Crockett quote. Ross quizzed me on the way down to Texas and surprisingly I remembered all my Texas facts. Shoot me a question and I probably know the answer!)
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
my days always dry up and blow away
It's just another day now. People forget and don't remember until they turn on the television and they're shocked. It's been six years? they wonder as the flip through the channels, because it's just another Tuesday and it's beautiful outside.
One story in a myriad of tales and broken hearts and shattered lives.
My dad was working in D.C. at the time. I didn't connect the two and two together at first.
I was in the eighth grade, 13 at the time, and it was just another morning. I sat down in Earth Science, behind Ben, who was teasing me about something I said or did. Our teacher, Mrs. Smith said something about a plane hitting the Twin Towers, and he and I laughed. We thought it was some little glider and didn't think much of it.
A few minutes later, our principle came over the intercom announcing what had happened. A disaster had occurred, many people were seriously hurt and we needed to pray. The entire school fell silent as she prayed, our heads bent down in solemn recognition. God had a plan, an intention and would help the city of New York during this time, she said.
It dawned on me. My uncle was in New York City, in Manhattan in fact. Was he okay? Our day continued, and we weren't allowed to call our parents or watch the television. No one was allowed to pick up their children; they were determined for this day to continue. No one told us about the Pentagon. No one would tell us a single thing. I think it was this moment that I truly began to resent my middle school.
Sometime during the late afternoon we had to go to the media center to work on a project. The librarian had CNN on and we gathered around the television, all of us curious. What had happened? She turned it off when the teacher told us to get back to work.
The entire day I was left in the dark. My mother picked us up from school, throughly distraught that they wouldn't let her come earlier. She didn't want to make dinner that night, since it was just her and my dad was away on business. It was during the ride home from school that my mom told me about the Pentagon. Not that my father would have been anywhere nearby, but she assured us he was okay.
One story in a myriad of tales and broken hearts and shattered lives.
My dad was working in D.C. at the time. I didn't connect the two and two together at first.
I was in the eighth grade, 13 at the time, and it was just another morning. I sat down in Earth Science, behind Ben, who was teasing me about something I said or did. Our teacher, Mrs. Smith said something about a plane hitting the Twin Towers, and he and I laughed. We thought it was some little glider and didn't think much of it.
A few minutes later, our principle came over the intercom announcing what had happened. A disaster had occurred, many people were seriously hurt and we needed to pray. The entire school fell silent as she prayed, our heads bent down in solemn recognition. God had a plan, an intention and would help the city of New York during this time, she said.
It dawned on me. My uncle was in New York City, in Manhattan in fact. Was he okay? Our day continued, and we weren't allowed to call our parents or watch the television. No one was allowed to pick up their children; they were determined for this day to continue. No one told us about the Pentagon. No one would tell us a single thing. I think it was this moment that I truly began to resent my middle school.
Sometime during the late afternoon we had to go to the media center to work on a project. The librarian had CNN on and we gathered around the television, all of us curious. What had happened? She turned it off when the teacher told us to get back to work.
The entire day I was left in the dark. My mother picked us up from school, throughly distraught that they wouldn't let her come earlier. She didn't want to make dinner that night, since it was just her and my dad was away on business. It was during the ride home from school that my mom told me about the Pentagon. Not that my father would have been anywhere nearby, but she assured us he was okay.
We went to the Chinese restaurant, where the people knew us by name. They had a gigantic television, and for the first time all day I saw it: the footage of the towers falling. People screaming and crying.
That night, as I had my radio on before I went to bed, I fell asleep to patriotic music because that's all they were playing.
What was your day like?
That night, as I had my radio on before I went to bed, I fell asleep to patriotic music because that's all they were playing.
What was your day like?
Monday, September 10, 2007
stories break like branches in the cold
The fact that I'm awake right now is pretty ridiculous, considering the lack of sleep that came from this weekend. I don't want my body having a freak out after depriving it of it's favorite thing: hours and hours of shut eye. However, I feel like I can't sleep until I write something. Anything.
I watched Meerkat Manor this evening. One of the meerkats died from an infection. While he was cradling his little head in his palms, his partner stood diligently by his side. She knew what was coming. They made little crying noises, grieving what was inevitable. One of my roommates was doing her homework in the living room, unaware of the situation.
I made a trip to the hospital last night. Walking down the streets and making various phone calls under the fluorescent light was odd. Walking into the E.R., my emotions were all over the place, seeing the blood that covered my friend's collar, hair and neck. I rubbed some of it off and had crimson flecks all over my hand. Friendship is one of those intangible feelings...the lengths others go for their friends. As my friend and I walked to the hospital to retrieve our friend, we didn't think anything of it. I'm glad he's alright, but wow, this kid is really going to give us all an ulcer.
This trip to Austin is becoming a huge pain. I almost don't even want to go anymore, and I didn't want for it to get to that point. Money and bills and groceries are rough.
I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to Calexico without thinking about that incredibly early morning drive to Atlanta.
Time to sleep.
I watched Meerkat Manor this evening. One of the meerkats died from an infection. While he was cradling his little head in his palms, his partner stood diligently by his side. She knew what was coming. They made little crying noises, grieving what was inevitable. One of my roommates was doing her homework in the living room, unaware of the situation.
I made a trip to the hospital last night. Walking down the streets and making various phone calls under the fluorescent light was odd. Walking into the E.R., my emotions were all over the place, seeing the blood that covered my friend's collar, hair and neck. I rubbed some of it off and had crimson flecks all over my hand. Friendship is one of those intangible feelings...the lengths others go for their friends. As my friend and I walked to the hospital to retrieve our friend, we didn't think anything of it. I'm glad he's alright, but wow, this kid is really going to give us all an ulcer.
This trip to Austin is becoming a huge pain. I almost don't even want to go anymore, and I didn't want for it to get to that point. Money and bills and groceries are rough.
I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to Calexico without thinking about that incredibly early morning drive to Atlanta.
Time to sleep.
Friday, September 07, 2007
"Steps" by Frank O'Hara
I really love stumbling on good poetry. Honestly, could I be a bigger english major? There's something about poetry, good poetry at that, that really gets to me. It's like looking at a beautiful picture; it captures you, makes you feel something that wasn't there before, and opens your eyes. Here's one of my favorite poems that my friend, Anna, told me about.
Steps
FRANK O’HARA
How funny you are today New York
like Ginger Rogers in Swingtime
and St. Bridget’s steeple leaning a little to the left
here I have just jumped out of a bed full of V-days
(I got tired of D-days) and blue you there still
accepts me foolish and free
all I want is a room up there
and you in it
and even the traffic halt so thick is a way
for people to rub up against each other
and when their surgical appliances lock
they stay together
for the rest of the day (what a day)
I go by to check a slide and I say
that painting’s not so blue
where’s Lana Turner
she’s out eating
and Garbo’s backstage at the Met
everyone’s taking their coat off
so they can show a rib-cage to the rib-watchers
and the park’s full of dancers with their tights and shoes
in little bags
who are often mistaken for worker-outers at the West Side Y
why not
the Pittsburgh Pirates shout because they won
and in a sense we’re all winning
we’re alive
the apartment was vacated by a gay couple
who moved to the country for fun
they moved a day too soon
even the stabbings are helping the population explosion
though in the wrong country
and all those liars have left the UN
the Seagram Building’s no longer rivalled in interest
not that we need liquor (we just like it)
and the little box is out on the sidewalk
next to the delicatessen
so the old man can sit on it and drink beer
and get knocked off it by his wife later in the day
while the sun is still shining
oh god it’s wonderful
to get out of bed
and drink too much coffee
and smoke too many cigarettes
and love you so much
Steps
FRANK O’HARA
How funny you are today New York
like Ginger Rogers in Swingtime
and St. Bridget’s steeple leaning a little to the left
here I have just jumped out of a bed full of V-days
(I got tired of D-days) and blue you there still
accepts me foolish and free
all I want is a room up there
and you in it
and even the traffic halt so thick is a way
for people to rub up against each other
and when their surgical appliances lock
they stay together
for the rest of the day (what a day)
I go by to check a slide and I say
that painting’s not so blue
where’s Lana Turner
she’s out eating
and Garbo’s backstage at the Met
everyone’s taking their coat off
so they can show a rib-cage to the rib-watchers
and the park’s full of dancers with their tights and shoes
in little bags
who are often mistaken for worker-outers at the West Side Y
why not
the Pittsburgh Pirates shout because they won
and in a sense we’re all winning
we’re alive
the apartment was vacated by a gay couple
who moved to the country for fun
they moved a day too soon
even the stabbings are helping the population explosion
though in the wrong country
and all those liars have left the UN
the Seagram Building’s no longer rivalled in interest
not that we need liquor (we just like it)
and the little box is out on the sidewalk
next to the delicatessen
so the old man can sit on it and drink beer
and get knocked off it by his wife later in the day
while the sun is still shining
oh god it’s wonderful
to get out of bed
and drink too much coffee
and smoke too many cigarettes
and love you so much
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Another television post. I've never really let on how into television I am, it's a side of my personality that I keep hidden from most people. Sure, you might know about Thursdays and that I purposely don't schedule myself to work because I refuse to miss an episode of The Office but I mean, everyone has their guilty pleasures.
I currently watch three shows obsessively:
A British sci-fi show that began in 1963 (I think), Doctor Who is the story of a time-traveling alien, The Doctor, and his different companions. There's been 10 different doctors and multiple companions from different eras and galaxies. Sound dorky enough? Well get this: it's on syndication on the Sci-Fi Chanel.
Sometimes I'm astounded that I watch it because I've never, ever been into Sci-Fi. It's not me, it's not my personality.
Then again, most Sci-Fi isn't written by Russel T. Davies, the writer of the British Queer as Folk. Davies is excellent, superb even, at writing stories; compelling stories with emotion and dialogue and when combined with the right actors, it's the perfect equation for success.
And maybe there's that appeal of escapism...the idea of traveling wherever, whenever and getting into all sorts of mischief. That sense of adventure that most people will never get to act on. Seeing beautiful, dangerous things with a fun, clever and brilliant person who can appreciate what's going on. The companionship of traveling is a theme that runs throughout the show, a feeling most people stuck in their monotonous 8-5 jobs might yearn for.
And maybe it's the escapism that gets me. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving this stage in life, but I can't wait to explore. I don't think I could stand to be in one place too long. There's too much to see, too much to do and too much to explore. In a way, I'm getting into the perfect career for that. If I want to, really truly want to, I can do something. Something exciting and grand and glorious, and the road there may be rough, but I'm sure looking back it'll be worth it.
Anyways, Doctor Who. David Tennant plays the 10th Doctor and he'll always be my doctor. You see, the doctor (being an alien) "regenerates" every now and then. The 10th incarnation of the doctor is witty and sarcastic and stubborn and a jovial fellow. Plus, David Tennant is one heck of an actor.
For more info on the show, check out it's IMDB page.
Wow, I feel incredibly nerdy now. But it's all good. I'm about to get my indie-rock/scene kid on at the radio station. I'll win back a few of those cool points I just lost.
I currently watch three shows obsessively:
- Friday Night Lights
- The Office
- Doctor Who
A British sci-fi show that began in 1963 (I think), Doctor Who is the story of a time-traveling alien, The Doctor, and his different companions. There's been 10 different doctors and multiple companions from different eras and galaxies. Sound dorky enough? Well get this: it's on syndication on the Sci-Fi Chanel.
Sometimes I'm astounded that I watch it because I've never, ever been into Sci-Fi. It's not me, it's not my personality.
Then again, most Sci-Fi isn't written by Russel T. Davies, the writer of the British Queer as Folk. Davies is excellent, superb even, at writing stories; compelling stories with emotion and dialogue and when combined with the right actors, it's the perfect equation for success.
And maybe there's that appeal of escapism...the idea of traveling wherever, whenever and getting into all sorts of mischief. That sense of adventure that most people will never get to act on. Seeing beautiful, dangerous things with a fun, clever and brilliant person who can appreciate what's going on. The companionship of traveling is a theme that runs throughout the show, a feeling most people stuck in their monotonous 8-5 jobs might yearn for.
And maybe it's the escapism that gets me. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving this stage in life, but I can't wait to explore. I don't think I could stand to be in one place too long. There's too much to see, too much to do and too much to explore. In a way, I'm getting into the perfect career for that. If I want to, really truly want to, I can do something. Something exciting and grand and glorious, and the road there may be rough, but I'm sure looking back it'll be worth it.
Anyways, Doctor Who. David Tennant plays the 10th Doctor and he'll always be my doctor. You see, the doctor (being an alien) "regenerates" every now and then. The 10th incarnation of the doctor is witty and sarcastic and stubborn and a jovial fellow. Plus, David Tennant is one heck of an actor.
For more info on the show, check out it's IMDB page.
Wow, I feel incredibly nerdy now. But it's all good. I'm about to get my indie-rock/scene kid on at the radio station. I'll win back a few of those cool points I just lost.
Monday, September 03, 2007
turns out i was a vampire myself in the devil town
After what was an exhausting and ridiculous weekend, I returned home with a few goals in mind:
1) spend some quality time with the family
2) find a new dress and dark pants
3) buy a new messenger bag
Luckily I accomplished all of them. Unfortunately during the process I was able to deplete my bank account, which is major lamecakes because it enforces the fact that I can't save up money no matter how hard I try. While I didn't need a new dress and pants, I was getting tired of what I was wearing. And yeah, I did need a new bag. I had outgrew my backpack two years ago. Finally, I found something that suited everything I needed.
While I was home I introduced my mom to Friday Night Lights. She is in love. Not only does it remind her of home, but she said that it's just so inspiring.
During one of the scenes a cover of Daniel Johnston's "Devil Town" plays. I don't think Bright Eyes is the band who covers the song, but it's all I could find. And it's beautiful. I've never been a huge Bright Eyes fan, but I've gotta hand it to Conner Oberst: this kid knows what he's doing.
Bright Eyes::Devil Town
If say, your speakers are broken, remind me to play the song for you when you come over to watch Friday Night Lights. Which better be soon. As in this week.
In other news, I've dropped my coarse load and I feel like a complete and utter slacker. For some reason I'm just not as motivated this semester, which is pathetic. I'm not burnt out, but I'm just not feeling it. I'm hoping sometime during this semester I'll recover that burning drive I had as a freshman. That drive to succeed, to do well and do things right.
I get to see Texas in less than two weeks. The more I think about it, the more I feel like that's where I'm supposed to be. Austin always feels like home and there's something about Texas...the grandness and greatness and overall sense of pride that you don't get anywhere else.
Another Friday Night Lights clip is necessary:
1) spend some quality time with the family
2) find a new dress and dark pants
3) buy a new messenger bag
Luckily I accomplished all of them. Unfortunately during the process I was able to deplete my bank account, which is major lamecakes because it enforces the fact that I can't save up money no matter how hard I try. While I didn't need a new dress and pants, I was getting tired of what I was wearing. And yeah, I did need a new bag. I had outgrew my backpack two years ago. Finally, I found something that suited everything I needed.
While I was home I introduced my mom to Friday Night Lights. She is in love. Not only does it remind her of home, but she said that it's just so inspiring.
During one of the scenes a cover of Daniel Johnston's "Devil Town" plays. I don't think Bright Eyes is the band who covers the song, but it's all I could find. And it's beautiful. I've never been a huge Bright Eyes fan, but I've gotta hand it to Conner Oberst: this kid knows what he's doing.
Bright Eyes::Devil Town
If say, your speakers are broken, remind me to play the song for you when you come over to watch Friday Night Lights. Which better be soon. As in this week.
In other news, I've dropped my coarse load and I feel like a complete and utter slacker. For some reason I'm just not as motivated this semester, which is pathetic. I'm not burnt out, but I'm just not feeling it. I'm hoping sometime during this semester I'll recover that burning drive I had as a freshman. That drive to succeed, to do well and do things right.
I get to see Texas in less than two weeks. The more I think about it, the more I feel like that's where I'm supposed to be. Austin always feels like home and there's something about Texas...the grandness and greatness and overall sense of pride that you don't get anywhere else.
Another Friday Night Lights clip is necessary:
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